It wasn't so long ago that Elena went to her first class with other kids, and out of sight of Teresa and I - her Monday afternoon dance class. Part of the reason for sending her to dance class was (appropriately) because she likes to dance, but other parts were to give her a chance to socialize with other kids her age, and to see how well she does taking instruction from another adult.
We didn't really have any worries about the socialization part - Elena spent 2-1/2 years socializing with other children 24/7. However, there aren't really any other kids her age in the neighborhood, so she hasn't had a chance to play a lot with other kids recently. And playing with talkative and active four-year-olds (which Elena is now) is something different from playing with toddling and barely talking two-year-olds (which Elena was then). So even though Elena has (I assume) a good base of socialization skills to draw on, they're probably starting to bet stale.
We do have some nebulous worries about the taking instruction from another adult part. There are two pieces to that: one is bonding - it takes time to establish a firm parent-child bond, and to reassure a child like Elena that she won't be taken away to somewhere else yet again (remember this has actually happened to Elena - strange people took her away from the orphanage and never took her back - so a fear like this is perfectly logical). Would leaving her in the care of another adult worry her?
The other piece is taking instruction in English. It isn't unusual (according to what we read) for internationally adopted kids to have English-as-a-second-language issues when they hit school age. They may be natively fluent in conversational English, where context and body language reinforce the meaning of the words, but have trouble in more formal classroom instruction. (For example, think "open your desk, get a piece of lined paper and a pencil, and write your name in the upper right-hand corner." Perfectly good English, yet, when said in a classroom, requiring a firmer grasp of the language because of the lack of contextual clues.)
I should hasten to add that we didn't have any specific worries on any of these things - Elena learned her English very rapidly (and seems to really value communication), seems to have bonded well, and plays well with other kids when she has the chance. And, as a matter of fact, she's really getting into the swing of that dance class - she likes it, and follows directions about as well as the other four-year-olds (which is to say, mostly correctly most of the time).
Still, practice makes perfect, and what better way to practice socializing and taking instruction than going to preschool? That's a step up from a dance class. More kids, more activities, more time, more interaction. And, if any of those nebulous worries have any basis, it's better to find out and help out earlier rather than later.
Luckily, we didn't have to look very far for a good place. There's a daycare/preschool facility not far from our house that cares for children who are infants through five or six years old. What's better is that Elena's cousin Helen, who's about the same age, goes there, so Elena would actually know one of the kids there, and we know my brother and sister-in-law give this place the stamp of approval (Three cheers for letting someone else do the research!). The preschool also have a philosophy of encouraging kids to learn per their own interests, which is a health way to introduce more formal teaching. And they had openings in their pre-K level, where Elena would be.
All three of us went for a visit a few weeks ago. We sat down in the office and chatted with the director. Elena was visibly nervous - when I asked her about, it turns out she had mistaken the place for a doctor's office, and thought she was getting a shot. I reassured her that she wasn't getting a shot, and she relaxed some. Then we spent 20-30 minutes in the pre-K room. It took Elena 10 minutes to warm to the place, after which she started to have fun.
So we took the plunge, signed her up, and she started her preschool two weeks ago. It's all day, 9-5, for two days a week. We were a little nervous about just leaving her - would there be an abandonment issue? - but not surprisingly Elena was fine. I say "not surprisingly" because we've anecdotally heard from other parents of Russian adoptees that their kids love preschool - it combines all the fun things about the orphanage with none of the bad things.
I should say, too, that Elena was clearly nervous about going to school, even admitting she was a little scared. That's understandable - it's new and strange, and a substantial break in the routine, with a bunch of new kids to meet. But once she actaully got to school, she was quickly sucked into the maelstrom of four-year-olds, and had a lot of fun.
As parents, this transition is a little bittersweet. It's the first time Elena's spending significant time away from home; it will eventually snowball into grade school, high school with its activities, then college and independence. As adoptive parents, we've had less time with her up to this point than most parents, so this first transition feels... premature, I guess. But it's not, not really. It's just another example of the conflicting impulses that most parents have, between being protective of one's child and preparing her to stand on her own.
It's time for school.
We didn't really have any worries about the socialization part - Elena spent 2-1/2 years socializing with other children 24/7. However, there aren't really any other kids her age in the neighborhood, so she hasn't had a chance to play a lot with other kids recently. And playing with talkative and active four-year-olds (which Elena is now) is something different from playing with toddling and barely talking two-year-olds (which Elena was then). So even though Elena has (I assume) a good base of socialization skills to draw on, they're probably starting to bet stale.
We do have some nebulous worries about the taking instruction from another adult part. There are two pieces to that: one is bonding - it takes time to establish a firm parent-child bond, and to reassure a child like Elena that she won't be taken away to somewhere else yet again (remember this has actually happened to Elena - strange people took her away from the orphanage and never took her back - so a fear like this is perfectly logical). Would leaving her in the care of another adult worry her?
The other piece is taking instruction in English. It isn't unusual (according to what we read) for internationally adopted kids to have English-as-a-second-language issues when they hit school age. They may be natively fluent in conversational English, where context and body language reinforce the meaning of the words, but have trouble in more formal classroom instruction. (For example, think "open your desk, get a piece of lined paper and a pencil, and write your name in the upper right-hand corner." Perfectly good English, yet, when said in a classroom, requiring a firmer grasp of the language because of the lack of contextual clues.)
I should hasten to add that we didn't have any specific worries on any of these things - Elena learned her English very rapidly (and seems to really value communication), seems to have bonded well, and plays well with other kids when she has the chance. And, as a matter of fact, she's really getting into the swing of that dance class - she likes it, and follows directions about as well as the other four-year-olds (which is to say, mostly correctly most of the time).
Still, practice makes perfect, and what better way to practice socializing and taking instruction than going to preschool? That's a step up from a dance class. More kids, more activities, more time, more interaction. And, if any of those nebulous worries have any basis, it's better to find out and help out earlier rather than later.
Luckily, we didn't have to look very far for a good place. There's a daycare/preschool facility not far from our house that cares for children who are infants through five or six years old. What's better is that Elena's cousin Helen, who's about the same age, goes there, so Elena would actually know one of the kids there, and we know my brother and sister-in-law give this place the stamp of approval (Three cheers for letting someone else do the research!). The preschool also have a philosophy of encouraging kids to learn per their own interests, which is a health way to introduce more formal teaching. And they had openings in their pre-K level, where Elena would be.
All three of us went for a visit a few weeks ago. We sat down in the office and chatted with the director. Elena was visibly nervous - when I asked her about, it turns out she had mistaken the place for a doctor's office, and thought she was getting a shot. I reassured her that she wasn't getting a shot, and she relaxed some. Then we spent 20-30 minutes in the pre-K room. It took Elena 10 minutes to warm to the place, after which she started to have fun.
So we took the plunge, signed her up, and she started her preschool two weeks ago. It's all day, 9-5, for two days a week. We were a little nervous about just leaving her - would there be an abandonment issue? - but not surprisingly Elena was fine. I say "not surprisingly" because we've anecdotally heard from other parents of Russian adoptees that their kids love preschool - it combines all the fun things about the orphanage with none of the bad things.
I should say, too, that Elena was clearly nervous about going to school, even admitting she was a little scared. That's understandable - it's new and strange, and a substantial break in the routine, with a bunch of new kids to meet. But once she actaully got to school, she was quickly sucked into the maelstrom of four-year-olds, and had a lot of fun.
As parents, this transition is a little bittersweet. It's the first time Elena's spending significant time away from home; it will eventually snowball into grade school, high school with its activities, then college and independence. As adoptive parents, we've had less time with her up to this point than most parents, so this first transition feels... premature, I guess. But it's not, not really. It's just another example of the conflicting impulses that most parents have, between being protective of one's child and preparing her to stand on her own.
It's time for school.
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