Before we actually adopted Elena, the consensus among people we talked to who'd been there and done that was that orphanage staff always claim that the kids are potty trained, but they really aren't. Or, at least, they only "use the potty" by virtue of of being put on the potty at the same time, many times a day, but not because they actually realize they need to go.
So when we visited Elena, the orphanage staff told us Elena was potty trained. We nodded, but silently assumed they were exaggerating her proficiency. And, sure enough, once we actually got home, Elena showed no real interest in using the potty. Yup, the orphanage staff had been stretching the truth. Or worse, maybe she was now held back by negative feelings after being forced to do something she was not ready for.
Exaggeration?? Force? Actually...probably not.
More after the jump.
As one data point, on our second visit to the orphanage last August, Elena DID tell one of the nurses she needed to use the bathroom, and off they went. So she was apparently using the potty then--what happened?
There are a couple related things here. First of all, it's quite natural for stress to cause children's potty training proficiency to drop. From What to Expect: The Toddler Years:
Second, it's common for adoptive children to regress across a range of behaviors. Parents can use that as a way to facilitate bonding. That means the children want to be fed while being held, rocked, fall asleep with a parent close by, and often "forget" about toilet training.
So, really, it's not unexpected that a little girl who may be very well toilet trained will refuse to use the potty for some time. And I think that's what happened to Elena, and probably (to some extent, at least) to the kids of those other folks who thought the orphanage staff was stretching the truth about potty training.
So, as I said, Elena showed no interest in using the potty for months. We had one, but she simply preferred to use her diaper. We didn't really push it, assuming she'd decide to use it when she was good and ready. She liked the idea of wearing underpants, until it was explained she needed to use the potty too. She liked her potty, would sit on it in clothes, just not use it. She said "Nyet, No potty." At a later time, when shown the underpants again she pushed them all far away and said, "NYET! Nyet, nyet, no underpants!" It's hard to misunderstand what she thought about that.
A month or so ago, she was complaining about her diaper being uncomfortable. I told her she wouldn't have that problem if she'd just wear underpants. Elena called my bluff: "Underpants. Now. Upstairs." I backtracked a little, telling her that wearing underpants meant she'd have to use the potty. but Teresa put her in underpants the next morning, what the heck, why not. After 3 accidents on the first day, and just a rare couple later on, she's been surprisingly good. We've kept her in diapers at night, "just in case" but even then she's rarely had an accident. Almost as if...she's used to being potty trained.
Looks like the orphanage staff may not have been stretching the truth after all.
Update: soon after this post, we retired the diapers for good, even at night. Over the course of six months or so, she's only had a couple accidents during the day and a couple more at night. It's as if the "potty training" switch just flipped from "off" to "on," with no real in-between setting.
Post title courtesy of Eddie Murphy and his abortive singing career.
So when we visited Elena, the orphanage staff told us Elena was potty trained. We nodded, but silently assumed they were exaggerating her proficiency. And, sure enough, once we actually got home, Elena showed no real interest in using the potty. Yup, the orphanage staff had been stretching the truth. Or worse, maybe she was now held back by negative feelings after being forced to do something she was not ready for.
Exaggeration?? Force? Actually...probably not.
More after the jump.
As one data point, on our second visit to the orphanage last August, Elena DID tell one of the nurses she needed to use the bathroom, and off they went. So she was apparently using the potty then--what happened?
There are a couple related things here. First of all, it's quite natural for stress to cause children's potty training proficiency to drop. From What to Expect: The Toddler Years:
Stress: Seperation anxiety, a new baby-sitter, a move, a new sibling, and family dostress can all trigger accidents, even in children who have been clean and dry for a while.Can there be anything more stressful than moving into a completely strange family, in a new house, with different types of food, in another part of the world that doesn't even speak the right language?
Second, it's common for adoptive children to regress across a range of behaviors. Parents can use that as a way to facilitate bonding. That means the children want to be fed while being held, rocked, fall asleep with a parent close by, and often "forget" about toilet training.
So, really, it's not unexpected that a little girl who may be very well toilet trained will refuse to use the potty for some time. And I think that's what happened to Elena, and probably (to some extent, at least) to the kids of those other folks who thought the orphanage staff was stretching the truth about potty training.
So, as I said, Elena showed no interest in using the potty for months. We had one, but she simply preferred to use her diaper. We didn't really push it, assuming she'd decide to use it when she was good and ready. She liked the idea of wearing underpants, until it was explained she needed to use the potty too. She liked her potty, would sit on it in clothes, just not use it. She said "Nyet, No potty." At a later time, when shown the underpants again she pushed them all far away and said, "NYET! Nyet, nyet, no underpants!" It's hard to misunderstand what she thought about that.
A month or so ago, she was complaining about her diaper being uncomfortable. I told her she wouldn't have that problem if she'd just wear underpants. Elena called my bluff: "Underpants. Now. Upstairs." I backtracked a little, telling her that wearing underpants meant she'd have to use the potty. but Teresa put her in underpants the next morning, what the heck, why not. After 3 accidents on the first day, and just a rare couple later on, she's been surprisingly good. We've kept her in diapers at night, "just in case" but even then she's rarely had an accident. Almost as if...she's used to being potty trained.
Looks like the orphanage staff may not have been stretching the truth after all.
Update: soon after this post, we retired the diapers for good, even at night. Over the course of six months or so, she's only had a couple accidents during the day and a couple more at night. It's as if the "potty training" switch just flipped from "off" to "on," with no real in-between setting.
Post title courtesy of Eddie Murphy and his abortive singing career.
No comments:
Post a Comment